Ultimate Betrayal: Recognizing, Uncovering, and Dealing with Infidelity
Written by an experienced investigator, Ultimate Betrayal is the complete guide to recognizing, uncovering, and dealing with a cheating partner.
by Danine Manette
You will learn how to evaluate your mate’s history, note changes in his routine, and gather evidence of his extracurricular activities―from phone bills and ATM receipts to computer records and hair on the headrest. The author also provides guidelines for confronting your mate, evaluating his reaction, and finally, choosing your next step, whether separation or reconciliation.
Just as many human beings know the joys of love, many share the anguish that results from infidelity. In fact, it is astonishing that something which has caused such widespread pain and suffering to so many is practiced on such a regular basis, often by its own victims. Nothing is more heart-wrenching or sickening than the knowledge that your soul mate and true love has betrayed you. And nothing is more torturous than the mental images that follow such betrayal. Scars left by the wound of deception can have a far-reaching effect in the areas of work, family, and―most especially―future relationships.
But in my years of personal experience and working as an investigator, I have found that the healthiest way to deal with betrayal is to learn the truth and face the reality, no matter how painful it may be. Only then can you take control of your life and move towards a happier future.
How we cope with betrayal
Everyone is unique in her own way. We are all individuals, with very individual ways of dealing with the challenges that life has to offer. Nevertheless, in my experience, I have found that there are three basic reactions to infidelity.
The individuals at one end of the spectrum use the experience of being betrayed as a way to uplift themselves and press forward. These are the people who can move on and never look back, not questioning for a moment the decision to sever ties, but always trusting their own instincts and intuition. They know that they are worthy of the quality of love they give to others, and they refuse to settle for anything less. They know how and when to walk away from a relationship, and can recognize when the games of others threaten their own mental stability and inner peace.
On the opposite end of the spectrum are those individuals who are crippled by the knowledge that the one they love has betrayed them. These are the people who would rather walk through life blindly than acknowledge what is sometimes literally right before their eyes. They are so horrified by the prospect of being alone that they are willing to settle for just about anything in order to have somebody in their lives, and they hang on, often years after the relationship has truly ended. They never walk away; they must be pushed. They accept what they are given rather than fighting for what they want, and they shield themselves from the reality of their situation.
Finally, there are the people in the middle of the spectrum―probably, the vast majority of the population. These are the people who place a great deal of trust in their mates, but not to the point of being blind. Although they don’t look for trouble, they do not ignore it when it comes calling. They fear being the “last one to know” of betrayal, firmly believe that they would leave any mate who was unfaithful to them, and often criticize those who try to repair a relationship ravaged by infidelity. In truth, they are not as strong and self-reliant as the first group discussed. Yet they want to know what’s going on―even if it hurts.
This book, of course, was designed for people who want to know if their mate is betraying them. In other words it was designed for the first and third groups discussed above―for people who want to know the truth even if they are afraid of the pain it might cause. But if you belong to the second group of individuals―if you are someone who doesn’t feel strong enough to cope with the anguish of infidelity―I urge you to seek the strength that is within you, or to look for strength and support in friends, family, a group, or God. Although you may believe that the truth will destroy you, instead, it can help you break out of the cycle of betrayal and self-delusion, and seek a healthier way of life.
So many people are attuned to the telltale signs of betrayal. They are quick to sense when something “funny” is going on. But they cannot walk away from a relationship simply on a hunch. When their husband claims that the underwear in his car is his sister’s; when their new guy insists that his brother asked him to rent that hotel room; when their boyfriend states that he doesn’t know why some girl is sending him romantic cards, these people hesitate, still believing that their relationship is genuine and true. Before they take a step, they want proof.
Many of these people would love to hire a private detective or gain access to modern computerized surveillance technology. But for most, this is simply not an option. What they need are techniques that can easily and effectively be used to uncover the truth. That’s what this book is all about. Not only are the methods presented within these pages easy to understand and follow, but they have been field-tested by women just like you―women who want proof before they take that next crucial step. Moreover, at the end of this book, you’ll find a list of support groups that can help you every step of the way.
I applaud your desire to learn the truth, and I wish you the best of luck.
Danine Manette received a bachelor’s degree in Social Welfare from the University of California at Berkeley, and a doctorate from Hastings College of Law in San Francisco, California. She currently works in the specialized field of criminal investigations.